Bring back Captain Frank's Restaurant

and please tear down that ugly old fake and big mistake the rock n ' roll hall of fame.I admit that while set up in my invisible magic psychedelic swirling tent perched next to the aptly named sculpture FREE STAMP located next to Cleveland City Hall , on the bluff overlooking the former perch of Captain Frank's Seafood Restaurant on the East Ninth Street Pier near Cleveland's downtown lakefront and tawdry rrhf. Confession time.Yes I admit to having sold baseball shaped rocks plucked from Lake Erie waters and embellished by felt magic marker with the musical artist of one's choice then loaded into my rock launching catapult and aimed at the glass roof of rock n' roll hall of fame below at water's edge from this shelter of shady sculpture. Psst? Hey buddy , wanna get your favorite rock and roll act in the hall of fame? Follow me. Sold two NRBQ rocks that locked and loaded in for a glass splitting thrill. Then another dollar crossed my palms , MC5 whizzed in with a righteous crash , Sun Ra and all his arkestras followed , then Captain Beefheart and His Magic Bands, and our perennial hometown favorites Pere Ubu , then The Meters and Doctor John the nighttripper flew in with mojo poppin' and crashin'.Breaking roof glass . Wetting up the oh so hush, hush very secret stained and soiled rock stars underwear collection. Stuck in ditty bags inside the ffhf buildings gothic eaves. Rocks land with a thud near the slumbering night clothing clerk whose job is to guard the secret underwear stash . Hell , I even sold some sucker from down in the mashed potato belt south of our city near North Royalton , a rock with south side johnny and da jukes scrawled upon it. south side johnny is from new jersey and very popular with the southwest side of cleveland types. Medina as well goes for the south side act. The new jersey rock bounced off the roof .No way did south side jersy penetrate the glass ceiling. Many other weak acts failed to gain airborne entrance this year. I will set up my swirling tent again this coming spring . You see the question posed here is aesthetics? Aesthetics be damned! Money is the issue here. I admit to whoring out and selling the southside johnny rock , with no regrets. The inclusion of talent a foreign thought when considering the amount of recorded product sold as the primary criteria for entrance via the election process that opens the artist to the dubious inclusion of enshrinement into the rrhf. Hell , we always snuck into rock shows in Cleveland via fire escapes and rooftops , why not climb into the I.M. Pei napkin holder building in the same fashion? My catapult rocks the real deal! If you want a read on what the rrhf is all about have a look see at opening time any morning between now and April 15, 2008. The pigeons , rats , and propped up ugly guitars that loiter around it's entrance will out number any live humans seeking entrance . If it were not for the school busses and children fed" lies , damn lies , and statistics" , from the career incompetents that staff the rrhf , very few people would actually visit this moth ball laden rag museum. Ho Hum! Waters around the back end of rock n roll hall of fame are murky. A Voinoditch to be exact. Their creepy and phony little back waters is were Captain Gobi chums for the special three eyed glow in the dark catfish once caught with great regularity all along Cleveland Harbor and especially at East Ninth Street Pier . Captain Frank's was great fun to visit . Drinking at Captain Frank's tiny ten stool bar a must when attending an event near the lakefront downtown. Within it's narrow confines often could be found an inebriated Jim Backus type , who was so loopy on booze that he would continue to buy rounds for the bars patrons until he plunged into the sauce headfirst. We would drink and eat at Captain Frank's , before and after Cleveland Indians games at the old and glorious Cleveland Municipal Stadium , never failing to find a parking meter at any hour of the day or night. The East Ninth Street pier was also a fine and handy spot for fishing 24 hours a day , 365 days per year. In importance of quality of life Captain Frank's was a better fit for the city that lies to it's south. The rrhf is a greasy little back water joint that looks like a paper napkin holder .The rrhf possesing the aesthetic sense of a mute , and all the exiting qualities of a corporate fun house for sweaty old clothes , with some busted up and worn out musical instruments tossed in for weak flavor. Captain Frank's allowed for dining until three a.m. or later seven days a week , and was a true beacon of life and safe harbor for the citizenry of Cleveland for many years until the rock n' roll hall of fame gang rode in from new york and shut the East Ninth Street Pier down. What a lousy location for a tourist attraction, and part of a major problem with Cleveland's lakefront and the rest of it's downtown. No connection between the two exists save the laborious and dangerous hike up and down the hill over the railroad tracks , and across a very busy automotive intersection. Not very bright place for an amusement attraction , and believe me not at all connected with the remainder of downtown Cleveland. It is lamentable that I have read recently that the rrhf gang would like to attract a restaurant to serve the visitors of this used clothes and skivvy collection that is the rrhf.Seems we had a great year around public accessable restaurant in Captain Frank's . Perhaps just recreating Captain Frank's complete with a facsimile of it's major nautical tack neon sign of the Captain at the wheel would serve us citizens better. I resent the lack of common sense and crooked politics that removed our public access top the East Ninth Street Pier , and the urban lakefront flavor that it was. The greedy craniums of the rrhf gang and it's new york city corporate sponsors stole our pier! Of all the promise this facility offered to a challenged city such as Cleveland , every last detail concerning the creation and delivery of this overrated flea circus of moldy rags and greasy pickups is flawed. Location , location , location. The annual induction ceremonies are seldom held here , robbing those locals who might benifit fiscally by it's absence, so why not refer to this phony joint as the small town gyp joint that it is. Would have preferred the rrhf designed as a large promotional record with cash falling from it's jacket , or perhaps a building desinged as an open brief case stuffed with cash and promotional records , drugs , and chits for prostitution falling from it's purse. Later man , time to fold my tent. Sold out all of the rocks I had for sale today , and will probably not return until sprigtime due to the rough winter's weather. In the meantime folks , do yourself a favor and help us boycott this loser of yet another ill concieved and corrupt Cleveland place of business! Perhaps if we get lucky we can cut it loose from it,s moorings and it will float off to Canada and be put to some use. If not retrofit the rrhf into a card room or budget casino. /////////////////For a real Cleveland tourist attraction observe the surreal dogpound located on West 63rd street between Stock and Storer Avenues , on the cities southwest side. A howling good time! Streaming video will follow on this site!/////////////// Bookselling Time! Save your gasoline , and the time you would waste visiting Cleveland and it's ugly little clothes bin , the rrhf , purchase instead the classic well illustrated history of cloth in rock and roll , Mablen Jones' GETTING IT ON : The Clothing of Rock and Roll. Thrill to the book's cover featuring photographs of a bloated, bathrobed and seriously debilitated Ozzy Osborne , a ridiculous Mick Jagger in clown gear , and a spike haired , c guitarist named Lita Ford stabbing Ozzy in the jewels with her priapic guitar neck. Purchase this doozy between now and Christmas and we will toss in a music book of our choice free of charge on all domestic orders. Such a deal! A whole lot better of a deal than the citizens of Cleveland received from the rrhf. Bring back Captain Frank's !

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