Boxing day 2007

And the streets of downtown Cleveland are as empty as those in Nagasaki Japan after the explosion of the atomic bomb sixty two years ago. No people are visible in either direction the length of East Ninth Street at eleven a.m. This traditional post Christmas holiday was always an exiting and busy day filled with commerce , folks visiting downtown Cleveland for a day of shopping and adventures. No more people visit this moribund, has been , forlorn place of emptiness and sorrow downtown Cleveland , Ohio today..... So nobody shows up for work the day after a holiday. Hmmm? The evil elves still collect the parking meters , and all of the homeless people are still working the edges of this sick hick town. ...Time was , and not so many years ago. Six to be exact , when we still could open our doors to an eager and grateful book loving public and not be insulted with the large sucking noise of this anal cavity evacuating that is empty downtown Cleveland this boxing day. Thank you politicians and civic players for helping create this loud annoying emptiness. Your pockets are lined , and we have empty streets to show for your larcenous efforts.........The little fat twerp from the make believe historic district office waddled out of his SUV at about noon , more likely than not just taking yet another air. For sake of familiarity we will refer to him as Mister Jablon Gutlessman . This character Gutlessman's nickname , as so many Clevelander's is "ski", in this case due to his love of the downhill winter sport of skiing. I can only figure that those employed in such an odious and distinctly pedantic career such as our companion Gutlessman , must take in great gulps of hot air as to possess the means to expel the digested hot air as propaganda or some form of mediocre press activity such as public relations..... This particular bird brain is so much a tool for the interests he does bidding for that he has forgot or misplaced whatever ethical and aesthetic senses he was once , if ever at all , in possession of while in his youth. Now middle aged , fat from rich food , pock marked from bouts with booze and beer , this lumpy form of distasteful human flesh , travels to the local ymca for a steam and clean , then off to play tag with the secretary and phone tag with everyone else save his handler.......... This twerp Gutlessman would get on his knees and beg if need be to gain approval of his corporate boss and political handler.....This same moron years before had walked about bragging about the great job and services he provided in renovating buildings in these supposed historic districts. Meanwhile the cranes disposed of plenty of the historic buildings that the district was to have contained by it's original plan designated by Laurence Halprin. Who in this clueless City is even aware of the Halprin plan ? The Halprin plan called for the renovation and preservation of the Historic central Market District , not it's slaughter and replacement with subsidized sports facility and a corporate welfare program to boot!... Gutlessman's pants were often covered with white stains from rich food stuffs and who knows what else.Yet another cruel joke played out upon the historic structures that once comprised an actual vibrant market district in downtown Cleveland , Ohio. Let us destroy this district and then refer to it as historic , who that is citizen in this poverty ridden , underpowered place will notice? Thus Gutlessman's work was done , and the stench of this political mess sold as wealth instead of the malodorous insider trading and crimes that in reality it will someday be noted as such when examined objectively years from now. Noted as a bleak period of local history for Cleveland, Ohio.....My childhood friend Lady O , appears this boxing day , requesting the usual kisses and the overall royal treatment. I am momentarily tempted to refer her to the historic district headquarters and the boot licker Gutlessman that represents the vested interests.... I bite my tongue instead.....Lady O has brought along her royal mutt , and we proceed to romp about the final digs of the former Leibing and Case remains located down the block.....We cross and arrive. " They Remained , Others Fled". My autobiography. Moses Cleaveland new what was up when he fled these parts shortly after his arrival here to survey the swamp in 1796 .Moses blew this rancid swamp off , and headed back East to civilization...... The Erie headstones are mostly kicked down now . The level of abuse now evident at all City cemeteries is criminal in it's neglect. Yet the corporate interests downtown still are on welfare , and collecting like a Las Vegas slot machine jackpot ringing it's bells and spitting cash while paying off.......The bush that Slipsy Junior and I buried the hawk is torn up now , and a naked splotch of soil stands in place of the bright flowering bushes foot print that once filled this garden space.....Lady O reads aloud a soliloquy of sorts concerning the lame and vacant nature of the surrounding streets , and notes the piles of automobile glass from the kicked in windows of those who believed in the notion of " free parking ' as advertised on the adjoining cemetery streets signage. Two hour free. Automobile glass replacement and hassles fixing up car . priceless. Priceless that is for the crooked parking lot gangs that stiff and bully the sappy visitors of this ill begotten place..... One more reason to flee , without thought of returning. Having sent for reinforcements , Joc O Sot's here for the long haul.....Lady O would make a grand companion for the historic district tool Mister Jablon Gutlessman. Always ready for the costumed spotlight , Lady O would float along to the tripe that passes for society in this flea bitten backwater burg. Say perhaps a simulcast of the induction of the rock n' roll hall of fame shenanigans , complete with ordinary catered food stuffs not even still in existence on more worldly menus. Qualifying here as hip and entertaining. Bacon wrapped shrimp , frozen egg rolls , spinach dip and the like. In these parts , hot mustard or wasabi are reserved for the ballparks and banquets only. The likes of Jablon Gutlessman could treat Lady O to a lively evening of the local coiffed up rock n' roll a list of local losers at play , which is actually no list at all , and as for play thank the heavens for Viagra and Geritol cocktails served at these cheezy events.....It is with great mystery I question the pride exhibited by da pd , and the local politicos in having the rock n' roll hall of fame gang host another , what do they call it?, er draft party?, gee whiz they had it here way back in 1997 , I should remember ? Oh yeah' . "Induction ceremonies". Almost forgot! So did the folks from New York City who would rather cross the river to some armpit new jersey town , than consider visiting the likes of this boondocks poisoned place of Cleveland , Ohio. You see New Yorkers and the music biz peoples have been voting with their feet for the last decade. Avoiding Cleveland , Ohio as a viable destination for obvious reasons. And we are supposed to be happy that the New York crowd will now visit here every three years , "or so" , to hold an induction ceremony? Give us our Lake front back and move that moth ridden leaky clothes closet , the rock n' roll hall of fame , out of this town already! And while we are on the subject of aesthetics , would someone explain to me what business John Melon Cougarhead has being inducted into the likes of the rrhf? I truly do appreciate the inclusion of Leonard Cohen , but Mister Cohen , the bard from Montreal, in my book would have been in the first group admitted , well ahead of most who proceeded him , and certainly not tainted by his entrance with the likes of John Melon Cougarhead ! A true independent sophisticated City would have told the New York rock and roll gang to kiss the City of Cleveland's ass and take a hike with your insipid clothes closet sometime ago. There is always hope that leadership will emerge and the sycophantic chorus of non native money changers tossed from our Lake Erie shores ! Book Selling Time ! Seeing that the New York City rock and roll mob avoids us in a physical nature , perhaps they will be kindness enough among them to purchase this perfect post Christmas Boxing Day gift. SHEPP'S NEW YORK CITY ILLUSTRATED , published in 1894 . This large and heavily illustrated volume is a perfect gift for any person with an interest in New York City history , and serves as a great photographic documentation of this truly American city near the turn of the nineteenth to the twentieth century. Plenty of people on those Gotham streets. Life , light , splendor. Opposite found here in muttsville , Ohio in 2007. We can hope and pray , though somehow I have a feeling this rancid place has yet to hit bottom. Stay tuned.Best wishes to all of our family and their friends this Holiday season. Thanks again to Kim and his great Family. The second shnecken arrived just after the last crumbs of the first were consumed. Remember kids , Moses Cleaveland left here after less than one year , and they even named the joint after him!

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What do you get if you?

Combine two sorry fatuous public relations campaign jingo's into one? Let's try this exercise this morning.

Take "I believe in Cleveland "and combine with "Positively Cleveland", and presto just as quick as you can say regional Countywide Government you get I POSITIVELY BE LEAVING CLEVELAND!

Yes boys and girls, college grads and political back thumping sycophants!

All you swell expense account lackeys lying for a living on our supposed “public radio" station. Harrouuumph, honorary degrees extended to one another?

Amid blasts of ballyhoo and vitriol plenty of back thumping over the radio waves plundered by WCPN this Thursday morning?

These radio jokers let loose on WCPN would give you the idea that they actually possess objectivity when it comes to the fates of the citizenry they are speaking in behalf of.

What hot air!

You radio jokers, political and media hacks alike pay attention! Let us now face some hard facts fellow Clevelanders.

The taxpaying segments of Cuyahoga County want no parts of the City of Cleveland, or East Cleveland for that matter.

A simple question should suffice: If you are in deep shit and drowning and only a finite amount of room exists in a metaphorical lifeboat?

Would you?

A. Drag more weight into the lifeboat and drown all aboard?
B. Paddle like the devil dogs of hell are on your tail and escape the fetid mess?

Most of the communities that comprise Cuyahoga County save perhaps East Cleveland would choose B. Hands down!

Most already have. See how these taxpaying citizens have already run with fervor to the adjoining five Counties that comprise our Northeast Ohio region.

True facts speak for themselves, and the actual number of citizens that have already made the exodus from Cuyahoga County is staggering.

Enough said...

Detroit, Michigan during the 1920's practiced what Columbus, Ohio has been up to in the past thirty odd years in expanding City limits and services via incorporating smaller townships, cities, and suburbs into their City Government.

Note that the greatest difference in City populations between Detroit and Cleveland during the 20th century was due to this expansion that the City of Detroit took on early in the Twentieth Century. Imagine all of Cleveland's inner ring suburbs, and early Twentieth Century developed communities, being a part of The City of Cleveland Government. Lakewood, Cleveland Heights, Shaker Heights, Garfield Heights, Parma ... you get the picture. All those burbs' part of Cleveland.

This earlier attempt at Regional government in Detroit only led to the premature flight of the upwardly mobile taxpayer to the adjoining Counties surrounding Detroit, leaving Detroit the destitute and decrepit carcass that it is today.

Sure, silver linings exist in both Detroit and Cleveland.

Mostly sad attempts to garner tourism via revamping hotels, restaurants, and the sort of white table cloth mentality that exists in the suburbs and comes a slummin' to these cities for a little wine and sin, leaving for the Blisteria Drives that these suburban tourists call home before midnight.

No real significant gains unless you count the corrupt casino culture of Detroit, or the second rate rock n' roll hall of fame blight at the foot of east ninth street as positive? I for one do not. Sad facts about introducing Casinos into a city is that they spike upward crime , and as for the insipid rock and roll hall of fame we can always wish for a

Tsunami!..

What really does make sense is an attempt to upgrade the infrastructure and services that are paid for by the taxpayers in Cleveland and Cuyahoga County. The visible benefit of any form of Regional Government would be in the combining of safety forces.

Increased fire, police, and emergency medical teams would better serve Cleveland citizens.

I am all for regional Government, simply because it will serve Cleveland better than it will the suburbs that it will combine with… As for the proposed Convention Center and Medical Merchandise Mart that Cuyahoga County citizens are already paying for via a convenient tax placed in front of them this past hot vacation time month of August.

Just ask dear old Norman Krumholz to explain the reality of the non impact that either of these two pipe dreams will have on the bottom line of the City and County.

Norman Krumholz is a fine gentleman of the old school, but a severe victim of being a pawn in a larger political game that destroyed much of Cleveland during his tenure in City hall. Norman is up in years, and perhaps more than willing to rectify the horrible effects of serving as City of Cleveland Planning chief during the City's period of most severe decline.

Tell the people the truth about the effects of convention centers in the cities that have built them recently Norman. The simple truth is that like sports stadiums, convention centers do nothing in the realm of creating viable jobs outside of the broom, mop, and bucket variety. The for profit Medical Mart taxes should be quickly transferred to a infrastructure improvement for Cuyahoga County fund while some interested citizens still reside here. Let this be a call for citizens of Cuyahoga County to roll back the taxes gathered for the for profit medical merchandise mart into the means to save our crumbling infrastructure. We will need all the help we can get in this matter in the quick years to come...

Book Selling Time! It is a sad day when the same automobile is parked across the street for twenty four hours broken down and with Missouri plates on its hoopty frame.

Inside is a single woman at the end of the line, which in this case is East Ninth Street just north of Bolivar.

She was in the car all night, sleeping the evening in her ride, and I am now about to leave to pick her up a plate of hot food. I will donate the proceeds of the sale of today's book Walter C. Kidney's HISTORIC BUILDINGS OF OHIO, to her cause.

The Kidney volume features locally a fantastic set of architect’s drawings for the Cleveland Arcade, among many other historic Ohio buildings covered in this as new still shrink wrapped volume.

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MODERN MANNERS

In keeping with the seasonal Holiday tradition that is now upon us , we will attempt to be full of good cheer and light , spreading abject joy and whimsical folly about as if constructed with aid of " sugar plums and candy". Who has been naughty? Who has been nice? Who really deserves the decade old defrosted carp pieces in their stockings?......For the Cleveland Browns Stadium crew increased business for 2008 .Plenty of tractor pulls , miniature automobile races , circus and carnivals acts , music events , softball tournaments , rooster fights , paper airplane toss competitions , watermelon seed spitting contests , rodeos , horse shows , new age meditation / levitation groups , motorcycle rallies , horseshoe toss , dwarf toss , corn hole player toss , pro rasslin' , boxing matches, [so kid action joe's bartender can eat], and most important of all international football { soccer} matches to increase the annual use of this facility that is currently occupied sixteen of the three hundred sixty five days of the year that it is available. Just imagine the extra glee the casual tourist from say , Iowa or Indiana , will feel when offered an additional tourist attraction that involves big engines , tires , warm beer , greasy food ,and yet another mindless activity to complement the big Cleveland vacation experience. Cleveland has turned over it's downtown lakefront to tourism so let the big canine house woof , goof ,and rock all summer long! Remember , a full house is a happy house , especially when playing poker......While we are in this neck of town we can't forget the main tourist trap downtown in our seasonal wishes. For the rock n' roll hall of fame we provide an unlimited supply of clothes hangers and laundry soap to do the wash and clean up the sordid aesthetics that plague this creatively impacted edifice. If our budget allows , a high colonic for this institution and those who occupy it daily would be in order. Everyone agrees that a clean house is a happy house...................The American daily newspapers are having a terrible year financially in 2007 , I thought of our tepid little propaganda mill at 1801 Superior , da pd , and thought that if they were sick and not doing so well perhaps they should see a doctor and get well. Surgical removal of this dying dailies foot from it's mouth a fitting gift. Perhaps then with this obstructions removed it might find it's voice again. Always brush your teeth and gargle after every meal . Antiseptic gargle required at the quilting bee located 1801 superior ...... We will continue these kind gifts to those naughty or nice enough to receive them into next year. Book Selling Time! Have a good look at our fine old symbol of downtown lakefront civic pride when Cleveland was still a major city . James Toman and Blaine S. Hayes CLEVELAND STADIUM SIXTY YEARS OF MEMORIES.Profusely illustrated and well researched , and an excellent choice for the true honked off lifer Cleveland sports fan who remembers the year 1964 and the Cleveland Browns NFL title game victory , and as well the last time any Cleveland sports team won a definitive championship. I listened to that December 1964 game in the kitchen of our family home via the ageless medium of radio. The television coverage was blocked out here in Cleveland. A warm roast cooking in the oven , my father's stoic response and our mutual reverence for # 32 Jim Brown .That time and inherent memories seems every bit as long as the forty three years that have since passed. Cleveland Stadium was built in 1932 , and still in fine shape when offered for slaughter to the modern demigods of the nfl as partial payment for a new old franchise here to replace our original Cleveland Browns. I visited the new cleveland browns stadium just once at half time courtesy of our friend Kim's kindness. Within the space of the single third quarter of play we observed in the stands a man fall head first while sitting up in his seat woofing , splitting open his head and bleeding profusely. Another near rabid fan was removing his clothing and was in turn removed by the stadium police. The whole experience of the fans was not in watching the game on the field , instead that grand old local sports tradition of getting shitfaced drunk and obnoxious. Somethings never change! Best wishes to my family , Kim and John , Get well soon Orley!

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Bring back Captain Frank's Restaurant

and please tear down that ugly old fake and big mistake the rock n ' roll hall of fame.I admit that while set up in my invisible magic psychedelic swirling tent perched next to the aptly named sculpture FREE STAMP located next to Cleveland City Hall , on the bluff overlooking the former perch of Captain Frank's Seafood Restaurant on the East Ninth Street Pier near Cleveland's downtown lakefront and tawdry rrhf. Confession time.Yes I admit to having sold baseball shaped rocks plucked from Lake Erie waters and embellished by felt magic marker with the musical artist of one's choice then loaded into my rock launching catapult and aimed at the glass roof of rock n' roll hall of fame below at water's edge from this shelter of shady sculpture. Psst? Hey buddy , wanna get your favorite rock and roll act in the hall of fame? Follow me. Sold two NRBQ rocks that locked and loaded in for a glass splitting thrill. Then another dollar crossed my palms , MC5 whizzed in with a righteous crash , Sun Ra and all his arkestras followed , then Captain Beefheart and His Magic Bands, and our perennial hometown favorites Pere Ubu , then The Meters and Doctor John the nighttripper flew in with mojo poppin' and crashin'.Breaking roof glass . Wetting up the oh so hush, hush very secret stained and soiled rock stars underwear collection. Stuck in ditty bags inside the ffhf buildings gothic eaves. Rocks land with a thud near the slumbering night clothing clerk whose job is to guard the secret underwear stash . Hell , I even sold some sucker from down in the mashed potato belt south of our city near North Royalton , a rock with south side johnny and da jukes scrawled upon it. south side johnny is from new jersey and very popular with the southwest side of cleveland types. Medina as well goes for the south side act. The new jersey rock bounced off the roof .No way did south side jersy penetrate the glass ceiling. Many other weak acts failed to gain airborne entrance this year. I will set up my swirling tent again this coming spring . You see the question posed here is aesthetics? Aesthetics be damned! Money is the issue here. I admit to whoring out and selling the southside johnny rock , with no regrets. The inclusion of talent a foreign thought when considering the amount of recorded product sold as the primary criteria for entrance via the election process that opens the artist to the dubious inclusion of enshrinement into the rrhf. Hell , we always snuck into rock shows in Cleveland via fire escapes and rooftops , why not climb into the I.M. Pei napkin holder building in the same fashion? My catapult rocks the real deal! If you want a read on what the rrhf is all about have a look see at opening time any morning between now and April 15, 2008. The pigeons , rats , and propped up ugly guitars that loiter around it's entrance will out number any live humans seeking entrance . If it were not for the school busses and children fed" lies , damn lies , and statistics" , from the career incompetents that staff the rrhf , very few people would actually visit this moth ball laden rag museum. Ho Hum! Waters around the back end of rock n roll hall of fame are murky. A Voinoditch to be exact. Their creepy and phony little back waters is were Captain Gobi chums for the special three eyed glow in the dark catfish once caught with great regularity all along Cleveland Harbor and especially at East Ninth Street Pier . Captain Frank's was great fun to visit . Drinking at Captain Frank's tiny ten stool bar a must when attending an event near the lakefront downtown. Within it's narrow confines often could be found an inebriated Jim Backus type , who was so loopy on booze that he would continue to buy rounds for the bars patrons until he plunged into the sauce headfirst. We would drink and eat at Captain Frank's , before and after Cleveland Indians games at the old and glorious Cleveland Municipal Stadium , never failing to find a parking meter at any hour of the day or night. The East Ninth Street pier was also a fine and handy spot for fishing 24 hours a day , 365 days per year. In importance of quality of life Captain Frank's was a better fit for the city that lies to it's south. The rrhf is a greasy little back water joint that looks like a paper napkin holder .The rrhf possesing the aesthetic sense of a mute , and all the exiting qualities of a corporate fun house for sweaty old clothes , with some busted up and worn out musical instruments tossed in for weak flavor. Captain Frank's allowed for dining until three a.m. or later seven days a week , and was a true beacon of life and safe harbor for the citizenry of Cleveland for many years until the rock n' roll hall of fame gang rode in from new york and shut the East Ninth Street Pier down. What a lousy location for a tourist attraction, and part of a major problem with Cleveland's lakefront and the rest of it's downtown. No connection between the two exists save the laborious and dangerous hike up and down the hill over the railroad tracks , and across a very busy automotive intersection. Not very bright place for an amusement attraction , and believe me not at all connected with the remainder of downtown Cleveland. It is lamentable that I have read recently that the rrhf gang would like to attract a restaurant to serve the visitors of this used clothes and skivvy collection that is the rrhf.Seems we had a great year around public accessable restaurant in Captain Frank's . Perhaps just recreating Captain Frank's complete with a facsimile of it's major nautical tack neon sign of the Captain at the wheel would serve us citizens better. I resent the lack of common sense and crooked politics that removed our public access top the East Ninth Street Pier , and the urban lakefront flavor that it was. The greedy craniums of the rrhf gang and it's new york city corporate sponsors stole our pier! Of all the promise this facility offered to a challenged city such as Cleveland , every last detail concerning the creation and delivery of this overrated flea circus of moldy rags and greasy pickups is flawed. Location , location , location. The annual induction ceremonies are seldom held here , robbing those locals who might benifit fiscally by it's absence, so why not refer to this phony joint as the small town gyp joint that it is. Would have preferred the rrhf designed as a large promotional record with cash falling from it's jacket , or perhaps a building desinged as an open brief case stuffed with cash and promotional records , drugs , and chits for prostitution falling from it's purse. Later man , time to fold my tent. Sold out all of the rocks I had for sale today , and will probably not return until sprigtime due to the rough winter's weather. In the meantime folks , do yourself a favor and help us boycott this loser of yet another ill concieved and corrupt Cleveland place of business! Perhaps if we get lucky we can cut it loose from it,s moorings and it will float off to Canada and be put to some use. If not retrofit the rrhf into a card room or budget casino. /////////////////For a real Cleveland tourist attraction observe the surreal dogpound located on West 63rd street between Stock and Storer Avenues , on the cities southwest side. A howling good time! Streaming video will follow on this site!/////////////// Bookselling Time! Save your gasoline , and the time you would waste visiting Cleveland and it's ugly little clothes bin , the rrhf , purchase instead the classic well illustrated history of cloth in rock and roll , Mablen Jones' GETTING IT ON : The Clothing of Rock and Roll. Thrill to the book's cover featuring photographs of a bloated, bathrobed and seriously debilitated Ozzy Osborne , a ridiculous Mick Jagger in clown gear , and a spike haired , c guitarist named Lita Ford stabbing Ozzy in the jewels with her priapic guitar neck. Purchase this doozy between now and Christmas and we will toss in a music book of our choice free of charge on all domestic orders. Such a deal! A whole lot better of a deal than the citizens of Cleveland received from the rrhf. Bring back Captain Frank's !

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