Some fresh new ideas

Cleveland and its sister city Detroit's downtown skyscraper canyons are mostly on the nod these days by all accounts and observations garnered. While recently immersing myself in a rather sedentary and scholarly life as opposed to the wretched comatose meanderings of yet another loose cannon with a bad case of typewriter keypad itch, I have rediscovered the dirtiest pair of words in my meager vocabulary:

“Idle Thought.”

Considering myself always a proper and forward thinking citizen in search of some fresh new ideas, lately what has crossed my mind concerns the adaptive reuse of our empty downtown cities streets. I have noticed that the lack of human bodies found on downtown Cleveland and Detroit streets affords a vibrant sonority when the human voice is expelled in a yodel or song like fashion towards the heavens.

Loud and clear I say, with tremendous echo effects.

Most major American cities are unable to provide these perfect fertile grounds conducive for the new opportunity of building yodeling competitions to be held in the cities empty canyons due to having in their possession a civilized population that lives within their boundaries.

Not a real problem for our great lakes twin cities. Attracting participants should prove easy.

Being that both cities downtowns resemble massive outdoors beer gardens these days. -- --- Both cities being in possession of loud and rabid sports fans prone to blowing hard and aloud for their "home teams".

Cleveland, Ohio and Detroit, Michigan are natural cities to use local arts funds collected via yet another tobacco tax to study and advance this primitive notion of found sound that adds a lively voice to these moribund and near empty buildings found in their empty downtowns.

A sister project celebrating the joyous unbound and unfettered voice conducive of attracting tourists building yodeling competitions to be held in the cities empty canyons. Outdoor echo karaoke is another novel idea sure to be a tourist pleaser.

Both cities already resembling large public beer gardens, the urban fabric of our two cities would benefit to hear any voices other than those currently raised in salute to cold suds and tepid sports.

Held in conjunction with the ever popular pizza eating contests and Slovenian style yodel polka events, the inclusion of a sing und yodel with the local yokels event held in the twin cities warm weather months would prove tourist positive if not a bit thrilling in a understated fashion.

Not currently having the means to attract a true local musical hero like Bruce Springsteen to host this event should not prove a problem. Cleveland's current number one Slovenian musical star should suffice.

One Michael Stanley Gee.

Since the death of Frankie Yankovic, Michael Stanley is number one in Cleveland! Michael Stanley has a rather popular local band and is really a natural at serving as judge, ringmaster, and host to all future Building yodeling and echo karaoke events to be held in downtown Cleveland due to his long career in music and his superstar status.

Michael Stanley currently is employed by a radio station on the very short stretch of Huron Road between Euclid Avenue and Prospect Road which is the natural empty building canyon to hold the Cleveland found sound events in.

I walk down this short corridor on a daily basis and it is more often than not than I can hit all the notes from white rabbit or rosewood bitters at the top of my lungs and bounce with an echo every note off the top of the rooftops of the halle Brother's building were Gee Stanley is employed as radio jockey.

Truly art events waiting to happen.

Who knows?

Perhaps a world famous Euclid Avenue Karaoke Corridor Project will emerge, or in the case of Detroit a mobile version of karaoke yodels held on the "people mover."

Or a slicker sophisticated version held during the Detroit grand prix.

Either Jeff Daniels or Tim Allen would make great Detroit echo karaoke or building yodeling event hosts .Believe me , any events save more bad sports and the artsy posturing of visiting suburban types a few evenings a year would serve to improve the dead zones currently encountered in Cleveland and Detroit downtown quarters.

Time has come for the artsy fartsy types to forget about painting their precious little ingenious pictures on the empty storefront windows once a year on their annual loutish stroll through downtown Cleveland streets. Instead consider hiring our resident homeless population to sit around and live in these currently empty and void windows as human mannequins.

Your ingenious and soulless artsy types could dress up storefronts and homeless alike and film the whole enchilada and peddle it as yet another bad reality television event, or pawn it off as some queer form of " performance art" or other such kitty litter encrusted " art happening."

The Euclid Avenue Corridor project promises to deliver a quick bus path from the east end of Euclid Avenue , out near the croakerville homes of the mad scalpels of the Cleveland Clinic and University Hospital, into empty streets and spaces known as downtown Cleveland.

Perhaps if on schedule for later this year?

The RTA deadline is November 2008 , and just in time for a winter's tale of snow and weather that makes a Clevelander long for an empty belly, loaded gun , and the streets of Port a prince, Haiti as a winter alternative to the new beauty of Euclid Avenue 2008.

Seems that in the comprehensive planning and attention to every little marble sidewalk and rider courtesy the Euclid Avenue Corridor entails, one large item may have been overlooked in the sea of concrete and rubber trees that is this much vaunted and touted private bus line built at taxpayers expense.

SNOW!

Good luck to you RTA in removing the often heavy load of snow that piles up on Euclid Avenue in a winter's space of time.

Take for example the famous November 1950 Thanksgiving blizzard that dumped 23 inches of wet precipitate in a few short hours. Streetcars were buried on their tracks; nothing seemed to move save the snow squalls.

Wonder how RTA plans to plow the fancy bus and curvy automobile lanes the next time a blizzard sets down here?

Time will tell.

Book selling Time! Relive the fond visual memories of Cleveland, Ohio and Detroit, Michigan when these once great cities still had streets with people on a daily basis up to more good than evil. We offer today George Condon's YESTERDAY'S CLEVELAND and Frank Angelo's YESTERDAYS DETROIT. Both of these volumes are packed with lots of historic photographs and little textual copy.

Perfect for today's book market. Buy 'em both and save a buck.

No kidding around here, both of these swell pictorial volumes are available now, and worth the odd few dollars you might spend on gas or groceries.

Take a bus!
Take a hike!
Get lost!

But if you do take a hike, bus, or get lost do not forget to take a little something with you for protection save your johnson.

Preferably take a fistful of ripe pecorino cheese to toss at any would be artsy writer types that infest cities throughout the world today. Do not worry about repercussions, these insidious wannabe scribes and poetic types are often lazy and hungry simultaneously and certainly not adverse to bending over to swipe someone else's cheesy ideas tossed at them and then reselling it as their own.

Cleveland and Detroit are full of these types these days, as are most American cities form Hoboken to Half Moon Bay. More often than not scratching what itches, looking for some fresh ideas, and attempting to create something of value from their idle thoughts.

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